It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
