just come out here and I will go home with you...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
