My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
