I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
