Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
