ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize