I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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