I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
