i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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