If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
