Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize