you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize