Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
