Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
