Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My apartment stinks of burning failure
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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