he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
