At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
