Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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