So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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