So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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