so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
