Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
