my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
