my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
