My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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