24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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