we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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