He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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