put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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