i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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