My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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