I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
