hotel room ftw
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
