I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
