he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
