Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
my liver is dry heaving
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
