dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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