A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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