Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
