i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
