you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
