I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
