My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
