we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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