Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize