You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
