But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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