I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize