He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
