Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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