I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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