Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
