can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
