I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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