He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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