I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize