That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
