The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
