Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
