I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
