and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
