mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize