I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize