Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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