I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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