I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
