like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
two words: eviction party
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
